Colon joke at: ‘Leisure Suit Larry 6′

Colon joke at Leisure Suit Larry 6

Shape Up or Slip Out!: Throughout the risqué Leisure Suit Larry adventure game series, designer Al Lowe has made hundreds of attempts to squeeze humor out of pooping and boning. SOURCE: The Six Unfunniest Leisure Suit Larry Moments

Leisure Suit Larry 6: Shape Up or Slip Out! The Joke: Larry goes into the “High Colonic Room” expecting s-ex, and a woman attaches an unconventional machine to his colon. Certainly, an unexpected colonic could yield hilarious results, but no attempt was made to set this up as the joke. In fact, Larry’s surprise at getting a colonic from the colonic doctor was more confusing than anything. It would be like writing a joke about a guy who has s-ex with his male friend Mike and then he flips out because his male friend Mike turns out to be a dude! Luckily, in this game, the confusingly surprising ass wash isn’t the focus of the comedy. No, the joke comes afterward when Larry leaves and says, “I don’t feel so pooped anymore.” To which the doctor responds, “You’re also not so full of sheet.” In a variation of this type of humor, you might tell a fellow third grader to have a “GRRReat Valentine’s Day.” Why it doesn’t work: Despite its common usage, the double-meaning is a comedy device that rarely works. Larry’s first line, “I don’t feel so pooped anymore,” shows a perfect double-meaning, since pooped can mean tired or, with small liberties taken with language, filled or covered in poop. To further prove my point about the failings of double-meanings, carefully note how, despite this joke’s perfect construction, it still fails to be funny. When the colon-machine operator responds with, “You’re also not so full of sheet,” that’s fundamentally retarded. That’s no double meaning — it’s saying one thing stupidly. Even if Larry had earlier swallowed a bedsheet, this would be a pathetic overreach. It’s so nonsensical to any humor register in the human brain that she may as well have said, “Have a poop day. Braaap (the sound of poop).” Can you at least get off to it? I’ve read that some people do, but not a high enough percentage to count on it. SERIOUS COLON RESOURCES: Colonic Therapy | Colonoscopy Colon Irrigation | Colonic Hydrotherapy

Health warning on alternative therapy

Colonic therapy Health warning

Be aware: health warning! Simon Singh has upset many people with his damning views on holistic treatment. Claire Sawers asks if he has his finger on the pulse of alternative therapy, including: colonic irrigation. As it is the fastest growing sector of medical spending, with £40bn spent globally on alternative medicine every year, Singh was genuinely concerned about the lack of regulation or clinical testing on treatments. His findings are controversial but revealing, and have already sparked a vicious backlash, particularly from chiropractors who object to many of his damaging conclusions. But professionally speaking, he cannot take the likes of detox, colonic irrigation, spiritual healing or reflexology seriously until therapists can produce convincing evidence of the benefits. FULL ARTICLE: Health warning by Simon Singh

Don’t get Simon Singh started on reiki massage. And as for ear candles or oxygen therapy, that’s just one new age, hocus-pocus step too far for the science journalist. Singh, a doctor of particle physics and author of science tomes including The Big Bang and The Code Book, has tackled what he calls ‘the Wild West of health care’ in his latest work, a cross between a handbook and history guide to alternative medicine. ‘It’s a book for patients,’ says Singh, of Trick or Treatment? co-written with Professor Edzard Ernst, the world’s first professor of alternative medicine. ‘We needed to find the truth among all the misinformation, so people can make informed decisions about their health and avoid therapies they don’t realise might be dangerous.’ Fed up seeing bookshops crammed with guides to detox, shiatsu and aromatherapy, but very few serious examinations of their credibility, he and Ernst started a rigorous scientific analysis of the most popular alternatives to conventional medicine. As it is the fastest growing sector of medical spending, with £40bn spent globally on alternative medicine every year, Singh was genuinely concerned about the lack of regulation or clinical testing on treatments. Fed up seeing bookshops crammed with guides to detox, shiatsu and aromatherapy, but very few serious examinations of their credibility, he and Ernst started a rigorous scientific analysis of the most popular alternatives to conventional medicine. His findings are controversial but revealing, and have already sparked a vicious backlash, particularly from chiropractors who object to many of his damaging conclusions. St John’s Wort is proven to be an effective treatment for mild depression, and he concedes massage and aromatherapy are good stress-busters. But professionally speaking, he cannot take the likes of detox, colonic irrigation, spiritual healing or reflexology seriously until therapists can produce convincing evidence of the benefits. ‘Why is there not a level playing field?’ he asks. ‘Drug companies need to convince authorities a pill is safe before they supply it to the public, but anyone can put a sign in their window and claim to be a homeopath who can cure fertility issues, weight problems or skin disorders. Any great claim requires great evidence.’ Singh admits he would turn to alternative medicine only ‘as a last resort’ and believes a healthy lifestyle is the best solution to many ailments. ‘People need to ignore a lot of this over-priced, made-up twaddle and lie down for half an hour with relaxing music instead.’ While his research is bound to give a headache to complementary practitioners and holistic therapists, his attack on pseudo-science also serves as a useful eye-opener for would-be suckers. COLONIC THERAPY OPTIONS: Benefits of a Colonoscopy? | What is Colonic Therapy? Colon Irrigation | Colonic Hydrotherapy

Embarressment about colon and rectal problems?

Do not be embarressed about colon problems

Millions suffer on colon problems: Most people are uncomfortable or embarrassed talking about problems “down there.” But millions of Americans suffer needlessly. SOURCE: Don’t be embarrassed to address colon and rectal problems

Millions of Americans suffer needlessly from anal and rectal symptoms such as pain, bleeding, and changes in bowel habits - assuming that these are simply due to “hemorrhoids” and believing the only relief is with over-the-counter remedies. Unfortunately, more serious conditions such as anal abscess, fistula, fissure and even colorectal cancer can cause similar symptoms. It is important to talk to your doctor about anal symptoms, such as bleeding, pain, or change in bowel habits, because these symptoms may actually be due to more serious conditions. Hemorrhoids About half of all Americans suffer from hemorrhoid symptoms by age 50. Yet few people seek help because they believe treatment will be painful. Actually, most symptomatic hemorrhoids can be treated painlessly in a colorectal surgeon’s office with either Infra-Red Coagulation or Rubber Band Ligation. These are simple, fast, well-tolerated and effective hemorrhoid treatments that bring long-term relief to hemorrhoid patients with very minimal discomfort and inconvenience. Diverticular disease Diverticulosis is the presence of small pockets in the wall of the colon that form after many years of increased colonic pressure, presumably from a low fiber diet. It is a common condition that afflicts about half of all Americans by age 60, and nearly all by age 80. Once detected, it is recommended that additional fiber be added to the diet. Diverticulitis is an inflammatory process of these pockets, typically causing pain in the lower left abdomen and a fever. Mild cases may be treated with bowel rest and oral antibiotics. More severe cases usually require hospitalization. Colorectal cancer The second leading cause of cancer-related deaths among men and women, colorectal cancer is also the most preventable through regular screenings. Because men and women over the age of 50 make up 90 percent of all colorectal cancers cases, everyone older than 50 should be screened. If colorectal cancer is detected and treated early, between 80 and 90 percent of patients are restored to normal health. But the cure rate drops to 50 percent or less when diagnosed in the later stages. So please don’t avoid proper evaluation of painful and sometimes life-threatening symptoms due to embarrassment or fear. Take control by finding a physician specializing in colorectal health. COLONIC THERAPY HELP OPPORTUNITIES: Benefits of a Colonoscopy? | What is Colonic Therapy? Colon Irrigation | Colonic Hydrotherapy

Exercise lowers colon cancer

Exercise lowers colon cancer

Exercise avoids colon cancer: Physical activity can reduce the risk of colon cancer, but few American adults are aware of this, a new study shows. FULL ARTICLE: Exercise lowers risk of colon cancer

A sedentary lifestyle accounts for as many as 14 percent of all colon cancer cases in the United States. People who get lots of exercise have a 30 percent to 40 percent lower risk of developing colon cancer, according to study co-author Elliott Coups, of the Division of Population Science at the Fox Chase Cancer Center in Cheltenham, Pa., and colleagues. But their analysis of survey data from 1,932 adults who answered questions about colon cancer risk found that only 15 percent said they used physical activity as a way of reducing their colon cancer risk. The findings were published in the August issue of Patient Education and Counseling. Several factors may contribute to this lack of knowledge about the link between exercise and colon cancer risk. “Patients may not be learning this information from their health-care providers and information regarding colon cancer prevention is not as well publicized as it could be,” Coups said in a new release from the Center for the Advancement of Health. Doctors may find it easier to tell patients about the general health benefits of exercise, rather than specifically referring to colon cancer, even if a patient has a family history of colon cancer or other risk factors for the disease. “In the context of busy clinic visits, it is, in some ways, efficient for patients to be reminded that physical activity is good for their health in general. Going through each specific health benefit of physical activity would take considerable time,” said Coups. Sedentary people can greatly benefit from starting a modest exercise program, such as gardening or walking two to three hours a week, according to Dr. Edward Giovannucci, a professor at the Harvard School of Public Health. “Sedentary people should first set such moderate, achievable goals. More benefits could accrue from higher levels and more intense exercise, such as jogging, running or tennis. To some extent, more may be better, but it is important to note that a little is much better than nothing,” Giovannucci said in the news release. HOW TO ACQUIRE A HEALTHY COLON: Benefits of a Colonoscopy? | What is Colonic Therapy? Colon Irrigation | Colonic Hydrotherapy

Colonic confessions of a Party-Girl

Rachel Hunter

FULL ARTICLE: Colonic confessions of a party girlWhen you’re hosting a party, as I am this week, there’s only one rule to follow: steal the spotlight and steal it well. All good in theory, but when it’s winter and you’re carrying a few more kilos than you’d like, that spotlight better be bloody wide. The party frock is sitting snugger than I remember it when I tried it on in the fitting room. A lot more snug. And not in that Emily-I’m-all-cutesy-gorgeous-woman-Barclay way where her bosoms pert like a couple of juicy cantaloupe. Mine look more like a couple of molten boulders spilling forth from Mt Vesuvius in aforementioned frock. Drastic times call for drastic measures. I rounded the troops for a quick fix strategy. The former model suggested a colonic irrigation. Apparently it’s all the rage with the mannequins before Fashion Week. The gym bunny suggested prunes and health store diuretics. The teetotaller suggested cutting out all alcohol (as if!) The E! Channel addict name-dropped some non-invasive procedures all the celebs in Hollywood are apparently committed to. The gay man suggested going nil by mouth ‘til D-Day. Large gulps of air and pints of tap water. The Posh Diet, he called it. “It’s the hottest trend at the Priory.” For the anorexics, I blurted! And aren’t they going to rehab to be force-fed food? “Darling,” he said, faking sincerity, “you’re a long way from an intravenous drip.” I wanted to phone Rachel Hunter in LA. She was crucified in the press two weeks ago for stacking on the pounds when she appeared as a contestant on the US reality show Celebrity Circus. Then last week, just like magic, she appeared back to an almost-svelte figure. Bloating begone. The critics raved. Pity it was the week she was dumped from the show. She left blubbering - but, on the bright side, with evidently less blubber. How’d she do it? Unlike Rach, who’s employed for her looks and knows all the tricks of the trade, I’m just a lowly hack on a paltry journo’s wage. If plastic surgery was an option (it’s not, because I detest it), I could probably only afford lipo one thigh at a time. I even contemplated ringing an ex who had serious body image issues when we dated (I imagine he still has) for a guilt-ridden rark-up about food and why to avoid it. The ex was thin, but not quite Adam Rickitt thin. I’ve always fancied long, lean, lanky men, probably because I’m not. I decided the best course of action was to be comfortable in my own skin. I didn’t need a colonic; I didn’t need diuretics; I didn’t need to starve myself; and I certainly didn’t need a man to criticise my appearance and make me feel bad about myself. That’s no man’s right. No, the best solution, I decided, was to put on the dress, throw my shoulders back and be confident and comfortable with me. Embrace my outer curviness. And that’s what I’m planning on doing. Wish me luck. Search by Topic COLON NEWS: What is a Colonoscopy? | Colonic Therapy Colon Irrigation | Colonic Hydrotherapy

Fitness & colonic irrigation!?

Fitness trainer David A. Colonic irrigation

Healthy Tips: David A. has worked as a certified fitness trainer for the past 12 years, and he has accumulated healthy tips he would like to share: ‘Avoiding Colonic Irrigation Cause it Sounds Nasty?’ I know it’s a messy job but someone has to do it! Colonic irrigation is a procedure for removing waste and toxins from the bowel. It is also known as colonic hydrotherapy. It can help remove traces of faeces (stools) and other waste products and identify worms or parasites living in your gut. FULL ARTICLE: 8 Dangerous ‘Un’Healthy Excuses You Don’t Want to Make

Colonic irrigation is known as alternative cleansing rather than traditional medical treatment. In my personal experience over a 5 year period it has helped me to reduce my waistline along with increased energy levels (especially mental). There are some people who believe it can help with conditions including bloating, flatulence (wind), diarrhoea, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), fatigue, allergies, indigestion, constipation, multiple sclerosis (MS), and back pain. Colonic irrigation also helps with issues of constipation as well. If you skip one day without going to the bathroom then you’re constipated and simply don’t know it. Movements should be at least 2 to 3 times daily. An alternative to colonic irrigation would be taking an enema which is better than nothing at all however, keep in mind that there is not sufficient water volume to fill the entire lower colon in order to cleanse deeply when compared to colonic therapy. Search by Topic COLON NEWS: What is a Colonoscopy? | Colonic Therapy Colon Irrigation | Colonic Hydrotherapy

Colon detox with beautiful celebrities!

Colon detox Beyonce diet

MEENA SREENIVASAN finds out about an easy, effective and fuss-free detox programme. Beyonce Knowles was quoted as saying: “I lived on water, cayenne pepper and maple syrup for 14 days. It was tough. Everyone was eating and I was dying!” But in two weeks she reportedly lost 9kg. On the other hand, Jennifer Aniston quit smoking as part of an extreme detox programme and is apparently cleansing her system of toxins. And with pop star-turned-gardener Kim Wilde praising the process of detox dieting, who can resist the goodness of detox? With beauteous celebrities like these extolling the benefits of a detox, you may be tempted to give it a go. SOURCE: Detox made easy

Losing weight, beating cellulite for good, banishing bloating forever and glowing skin are just some of the benefits of a detox. Intestines are somewhat like the pipe under the kitchen sink. The wall is dirty and you will not be bothered to clean it unless there’s a leakage or clogging. While most of us religiously follow the colon cleansing, toning and moisturising ritual to look good on the outside, we tend to neglect the inside. We think that taking vitamins and supplements is enough. But to get better absorption of nutrients it is wise to go through a regular detox. We are exposed to toxins everywhere, every day. Although the concentration is small, it is the accumulation of toxins over time and the combined effects that cause health problems. Internal toxins are produced from the metabolic process due to stress and an unbalanced diet. So when your liver is overloaded with toxins, its ability to detoxify is of course reduced. Particles of undigested food then build up on your colon walls. People have been known to carry two to 5kg of old, dried up faeces in the colon! How do we get rid of these toxins from our system? There are many choices. Even eating fruit or drinking lemon juice and honey first thing in the morning has a detoxifying effect. There are as many alternatives to suit your lifestyle and personal preferences as there are various detox formulas available in the market. You don’t have to do a Beyonce Knowles or a Jennifer Aniston with the Juvanex 7-Day Programme. It is an easy, effective and fuss-free detox specially formulated with Total Cleanze to eliminate toxins as well as support healthy digestive and liver functions. Total Cleanze comprises soluble and insoluble fibre, probiotics and prebiotics and cleansing herbs such as milk thistle, dandelion and grapeseed. It is also formulated with antioxidants, nutrients and vitamins to protect and nourish the body during detox. Juvanex product manager Gracia Ng says that many who have been on this detox have also reported weight loss besides the other benefits of increased energy and vitality, better sleep, and improved digestion and skin tone and radiance after a week. “The best part of this detox is that you don’t have to starve or change your diet. But try to stick to a lighter diet for the seven days. Mix two scoops with 400ml of water or fresh fruit juice. Take twice daily for seven days. It is good to go through the Juvanex 7-Day Programme twice to three times a year.” Juvanex can be used more frequently during times of digestive stress such as post-antibiotic therapy or overindulgence, or after periods of high stress. Juvanex recently organised “The Secret to an Internal Spring Clean” session graced by five personalities who gave their feedback after having tried Juvanex. They included Akademi Fantasia Cikgu Fitness Kevin Zahri, actress Sofia Jane, TV host Ben Ibrahim, actress and athlete Maznah Zulkifli and pop singer Farhan. “I found that it relieved constipation and my body felt rejuvenated,” said Maznah. Model Bernie Chan tried the Juvanex detox programme as well. Chan said: “I have done colon hydrotherapy but that requires seven days and it’s a drastic detox programme. On the first two days the diet is only fruits and veggies, no caffeine and lots of water. The third to the seventh day is a liquid diet only. Only juices and no solid food. And I had to go to the centre for colon therapy. “Juvanex is really easy. I drink it in the morning and evening, eat my normal meals but I make an effort to eat healthier food. “The first day I took it at night instead of before dinner and I couldn’t sleep that night! The second day, I felt a little discomfort, a headache and a bit light headed. But that’s a sign the detox is starting to work. “I normally drink three litres of water a day so I made sure I was well hydrated and tried not to snack. By the end of the week, I felt healthier. “Although I lost weight and I had glowing skin after the seven-day colon hydrotherapy, it’s quite a hard detox programme to follow. I find I have to take a week off work. In comparison, Juvanex is easy, effective and great for people on the go.” Juvanex is priced at RM160 for a 280g bottle and is available at leading pharmacies nationwide. For details, visit www.myjuvanex.com Flush it!

HOW TO CLEANSE THE COLON: CLEANSE YOUR COLON | COLONIC HYDROTHERAPY LOSE WEIGHT WITH COLONICS | COLONICS AT HOME

Your colon cleanse!

Your colon cleanse: Colonics is a safe and effective method of cleansing your colon. Colonics can help people to eliminate stored faecal matter, gas mucus and toxic substances from the colon. get healthy with Colon Hydrotherapy, advises Dr Shiny Benedict from Nirmayee Naturopathy centre. SOURCE: Cleanse your colon

Many people have pre-conceived ideas about Colonic Hydrotherapy and Colonic Irrigation and imagine the worst, whereas it is in fact a colonic treatment which leaves you feeling clean, revitalized and well. The general consensus among health professionals is that most, if not all, major diseases starts in the colon this is not surprising when you consider that our foods are laced with preservatives, artificial ingredients, hormones and other chemical additives, says Dr Shiny Benedict from Nirmayee Naturopathy centre in Koregaon Park.   What is colon hydrotherapy? Colon hydrotherapy or a Colonic Irrigation is safe and effective method of cleansing the colon that can help to eliminate stored faecal matter, gas mucus and toxic substances from the colon. This is done by introducing filtered, sterilized and temperature-regulated water into the intestine where the food waste is loosened and eliminated through natural contractions of the intestinal muscles. Colon cleansing is best when used in combination with adequate intake of nutrients and regular exercise. It discharges stored toxic substances from the intestine through safe and sanitary method. One session of hydrotherapy equals 30 times of enema. Why should you be concerned? The colon functions as the sewer in our body and needs to be clean and healthy for the proper functioning of the digestive system. Colon that is the large intestine is about five feet long and gets toxified very easily due to our irregular food habits. Thus it needs to be detoxified. A healthy colon gives a sense of total well being. How many sessions do you need? The number of sessions depends on the particular individual as the digestive system varies from individual to individual. Just as exercise is needed on a regular basis for the fitness of our outer body, colon cleansing tones and rebuilds the regimen of the inner body. Hoe does it work? A colon cleansing session helps you to dilute the inbuilt toxins in the body and enhances a healthy digestive system. In the process of the colon cleansing water is let into the colon which gently stimulates its natural muscular contraction and releases all the waste. This process is repeated if necessary. ADDITIONAL SOURCE: New Pharmacological Approach For Colon Cancer Treatment

HOW TO CLEANSE THE COLON: CLEANSE YOUR COLON | COLONIC HYDROTHERAPY LOSE WEIGHT WITH COLONICS | COLONICS AT HOME

New approach for colon cancer treatment

New colon cancer treatment

New Pharmacological Approach: A team of scientists at the Genome Institute of Singapore (GIS), a research institute of the Asian city-state’s Agency for Science, Technology and Research (A*STAR), and the University of California at San Francisco have developed a pharmacological approach to kill colon cancer cells.

SOURCE: New Pharmacological Approach For Colon Cancer Treatment Genetic and epigenetic defects in the signaling of a protein called Wnt/?-catenin, which is often found to be abnormally activated in human malignance, play important roles in colorectal cancer development. The team of scientists identified a gene, called DACT3, whose function is to inhibit Wnt/?-catenin, is often lost (or transcriptionally silenced) in colorectal cancer. Apart from the findings on DACT3, they have also developed a pharmacological approach to restore the expression of DACT3, which results in the effective inhibition of Wnt/?-catenin massive death of colon cancer cells. GIS Group Leader, Yu Qiang, Ph.D., said, “This work identifies a significant new regulator of the Wnt/?-catenin avenue for future colorectal cancer research.” Edison Liu, M.D., Executive Director of GIS, added, “This is indeed a very significant discovery. It suggests a novel therapy for colorectal cancer, an important step towards clinical treatment for the disease, which is one of the leading causes of death from tumours.” The team is now working with other A*STAR research institutes and industry partners for the development of potential drug candidates based on this technology.

MORE COLON THERAPY: LOSE WEIGHT WITH COLONICS | COLONIC THERAPY COLON IRRIGATION | COLONICS | COLONOSCOPIES

Colon treatment

Colon treatment Colon cancer treatment

Colon treatment concerns usually: A colon cleanse treatment Or a colon cancer treatment   The five major ways that one can cleanse their colon: Colon Hydrotherapy (also know as colonic irrigations) Enemas Herbal supplements Laxatives Oxygen-based Cleansers The treatment options for colon cancer depend on the following: The stage of the cancer Whether the cancer has recurred The patient’s general health. SOURCE: Colon treatment reviews

MORE COLON TREATMENT OPPORTUNITIES: CLEANSE YOUR COLON | COLONIC HYDROTHERAPY LOSE WEIGHT WITH COLONICS | COLONICS AT HOME